Deep Breaths...

I need to just take some deep breaths... Life has been a crazy emotional roller coaster lately. I am totally overwhelmed with everything and feel like I can't do anything really great...

Yesterday was a day... I was obviously upset when I walked into my house because I just cannot tolerate all of the things that are happening right now including having someone else take over my space...

I am a control freak, and even though I know that logistically I cannot control everything, I still get upset when things aren't just so... I really need to get my emotions under control, but I feel so frustrated and hopeless about everything...

I need to apologize to my roommate for being so emotional and down right bitchy yesterday evening, but I just am having a really hard time right now being cordial... I need my space to have my marriage... I need my space to grieve... I need my space to be alone in my thoughts...

Also, I think that Tony's lack of presence yesterday (and over the weekend I miscarried) really has effected me. I sort of feel abandoned in this process. I know that he is 100% on board with having a baby, but when it comes right down to it, he hasn't been there during the tough parts. Even when I made the RE appointment it was like it was a pain in his ass to get work off. I tried to explain how I am feeling, but he thinks that I am being irrational. He is a great guy and I never question his love for me, but when I am down these thoughts weigh heavy on my mind...

I know that my dedicated readers must be thinking "Wow, this lady needs a one way ticket to crazy town," but this blog is how I get it all out and is essentially is my therapy...

November will not be the month that we make a baby... Craziness prevails and there needs to be a calm before I charge into the next storm.