Wednesday, July 30, 2008

One day at a time...

I am trying to forget about what is happening in my life. Forgetting all of this would be so nice. Currently my body is not cooperating with the "let's just get this over with" attitude I have. I have had no spotting since Sunday. Now, a week ago, God would have been doing me a favor by preventing any spotting, but right now he is just being cruel. I have to get this miscarrying business done in 3 weeks. If I can't, my doctor is going to make me go under and I am terrified of that. I know that this can take a while, but the physical act of miscarrying will be a great help in my moving on process. Now that I have that little vent out, I must devote sometime to speaking about how great my husband is. If I did not have his support, I would be a mess. I mean other people have been so nice to me, but he is experiencing this with me firsthand. He really understands what this loss means to me because it is his loss too. He doesn't tell me that everything is going to be okay and that God has a plan... By the way I hate when people say "God has a plan" because it feels like right now God's plan is to shit on on Tony and I. Tony is grieving too, but he has put my needs above his own and for that he wins "The Greatest Husband Ever Award". Oh well, enough for today... I am going to bake banana bread to take my mind off of this stuff. I also think that I am going to go sign-up for Curves. Maybe a good old workout will release the perfect amount of endorphins to bring me out of my funk and get me healthier for next time.

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