Thump, Thump, Thump...

We, well actually Tony (I can never really see that stuff on ultrasound so I'll have to trust him and the ultrasound tech), saw a heartbeat today!

According to our ultrasound we are due on August 25th which makes me 5 weeks and 6 days pregnant...

We will have another ultrasound next Wednesday to assess the development...

I am still having spotting here and there so I am using progesterone gel and they found that I have Lupus Anticoagulant. This is some sort of clotting disorder which made have made me lose the last two pregnancies. Basically I have to continue taking baby aspirin and I should be okay. They may prescribe Lovenox to treat this issue... We should hear about this later today or tomorrow...

We have never seen a heartbeat... This is so exciting and scary at the same time...

A Quick Update and a Warm Wish...

Spotting has stopped for now...

Ultrasound is on Monday, so only 4 more days until we can see what is up...

6 weeks pregnant tomorrow...

So scarred to be on this roller coaster again...

Tony and I are heading up north until Sunday night...
I'll update after the ultrasound...

Merry Christmas! Hope your day was wonderful!

PS: If all is going like it is supposed to:

Growing like crazy, baby is starting to sprout eyes, ears, nose, cheeks and chin. Those little hands and feet- still webbed like paddles- might wiggle by week's end, the heart is beating (almost twice as fast as yours!), and blood is starting to circulate.

Fuck...

Bright red spotting...
Not good...
Shouldn't have fucking cleaned this morning...
Doc says to hang out with my feet up...
Merry Fucking Christmas...

I will regret these words...

I know I will regret these words someday soon, but I wish I felt more pregnant...
I wonder if there will be some point soon where I stop worrying so much about if this is going to work out. I know that worrying is pretty pointless because it is not like we can control these things anyway, but I just can't stop...
6 more days until the ultrasound...
Maybe then I will be able to breathe a sigh of relief...

Going Up...

Target was 1300...
HCG Level Today = 1667...
Going up!
Woot!
:)
Ultrasound Dec. 29th...

Waiting...

Anxiously waiting for the test results...

Snow Day!

Woot! Anyway... My test today was cancelled along with school because we got an assload of snow. On Monday my HCG level should be around 1300 hopefully.... I don't really feel like I am pregnant unlike the other times I have been, so I am hoping this is a good thing. I do have a bit of fatigue and the girls are tender but not unbearably sore. I want to get excited, but I am trying to contain it because it is horrible to be let down if something goes wrong... We haven't really kept it a secrete that I am pregnant. Tony has told people at his work and so have I. I am uncertain why we feel it is okay to share, especially considering our past, but it just seems right. I don't think we'll regret it even if we do experience another loss. Today I must do Christmas cards and go Christmas shopping and maybe take a nap. Thanks for all of your support. I'll update frequently especially because I am on break now!

Grrrr...

HCG test delayed until Monday due to nonexistent snow... I will respond to comments soon... So busy... 1 more day until break!

PS: This is my 100th post!

5 Weeks

5 Weeks Today...

HCG Level 163 (Tuesday)...

Repeat HCG Test on Friday.... Hopefully the level will be between 326 and 407...

I am so nervous... We are cautiously hopeful...

Your embryo (looking kind of like a tadpole) is starting to form major organs (heart, kidney, liver, stomach) and systems (nervous, circulatory, digestive). Baby's presence in your uterus triggers production of hCG (the hormone detected by pregnancy tests)... which triggers production of other hormones like estrogen and progesterone... which trigger all those great symptoms you've probably been noticing!

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Test #5

Still negative...
And on another note... One thing I have been asking over and over and has even made me question my faith is the "why" question... Why has all of this happened to me? Why can't we just have a baby? I think I have my "why" answer...

Negative Again...

Unless I crack the test and tilt my head just right...

Pee Stick #4

My temp is still high (for all you non-charters, this is good) so no sign of the bitchy aunt anytime today...

Negative...

No Pesky Visitor... Negative Fucking Test... Pee Stick #3... 13ish days past ovulation...

Pee Sticks...

I have no idea when I ovulated...
I am recklessly peeing on sticks...
To my best calculation, I should be 12 days past ovulation...

Sunday again...

On Sunday there seems to be an annoy pattern developing in my (read Tony and my) house... This is the day the roommate chooses to have his lil' lovely over (read I have to give up my fucking kitchen to Suzie Q. Homemaker)...

Today I am fighting back... Passively aggressively (read aggressively)...

I am going to put my oven on a five hour cleaning cycle and I am taking all of my pots & pans to my mom's to wash them in regular water (we have very salty water)... I am also putting little sticky notes by each door reminding "people" to lock them when they leave... I am also leaving the paper towel and Windex out in the bathroom with a sticky note attached reminding "people" to clean the fucking mirror when the get toothpaste splatters on it...

This is just how fucking much of a bitch I am...

I bet you all are glad you don't live with me right now...

Off to make out some sticky notes...

Last class...

And I am blogging... I can't wait to be done with this! Anyway... My body is still a little bit crazy.... I am not sure if I ovulated this week or last week... If it was this week, there is no chance of a baby... If it was last week, maybe a baby... I had some weird spotting yesterday so I am hoping it is implantation spotting, but maybe it is was ovulation spotting. If it is meant to be, it will be...

Thanks Mom...

As I have mentioned in the past both of my brothers' wives are pregnant and are due only two weeks before I would have been had I not had m/c #2... My mom and I are planning a double shower on January 4th for them...

If I were pregnant, this would be a triple baby shower...

As you can imagine, the beginning of the new year is going to be tough...

My mom is so sweet and supportive... Today, as we were chatting on the phone, she said to me that I don't have to go to the shower... I am glad she said this because I would have went just so she could avoid all of the awkward "Where's Amy?"questions... She has lifted a tremendous amount of pressure off of my shoulders...

I am so excited for my niece(s)/nephew(s) to arrive, but it is so hard not to think about what should have been... I know that this type of thinking will not help me get over this and I am working through it, but progress is slow... Very slow...

I don't know if I will go or not... I want so desperately to show how truly excited I am for my brothers and sister-in-laws, but I am so sad that I don't think my excitement would really show.

We'll see what happens...

On a happier note... My last book class for my Master's is this weekend! Woot!

Woot!

Snow Day! Love it!