Thoughts that Float Around in my Head...

Here is a list of thoughts that float around in my head semi-frequently...



1. Is God punishing me?
Am I really that horrible of a person to not deserve a child?



2. Does God exist?
If he does, why is he letting me (and many others) experience this hurt?



3. Will I be able to handle motherhood if I am ever blessed enough to be a mom?
Job, school, etc... Will I be able to provide a good home and childhood for my nonexistent children?



4. Is something wrong with me?
Or is it bad luck?



5. Why can't I just be ecstatic when I hear about truly deserving people becoming pregnant?
I am excited, but my knee jerk reaction is always to throw a pity party for myself.



6. If I get pregnant, will I actually be able to enjoy the time?
Will I be too worried about losing it?



7. If I get pregnant again and I lose it, will I make it?
The old saying goes what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger... But honestly feel like it might kill me...



8. If I get pregnant this cycle, my due date will be...
August 23rd if your were wondering...



9. If I wouldn't have miscarried, my babies would be...
Adorable, screaming, sleeping, playing, visiting Grandma? I never will know...

10. Does this ever get easier?
I am determined to start feeling more optimistic, but honestly... It just is not working